What to do while you are on the waiting list

You did the hard part. You asked for help, you were referred, and then you were given a number and a wait — weeks, sometimes many months.

The wait is the least supported part of the whole process. Something has been started, so the system considers you handled; nothing has actually begun, so you are still carrying all of it. And the referral was made when you were struggling, which means the waiting is being done by the version of you least equipped to wait.

Nothing here replaces what you are waiting for. But the wait is not neutral time, and a few things genuinely help.

Find out what you are actually waiting for

It is worth one phone call to establish three things: roughly how long, what happens first when your turn comes, and whether there is anything sooner.

That last one matters more than people expect. Waiting times vary enormously by service and by area, and there are often routes that are not automatically offered — self-referral services, guided self-help, group programmes, cancellation lists, or a different service entirely with a shorter queue. In many places you can self-refer directly rather than waiting for one to be made on your behalf.

Ask explicitly: “Is there anything with a shorter wait that I would be eligible for?” The answer is sometimes yes, and it is almost never volunteered.

Ask what to do if things get worse

Before the wait starts, get the answer to this one question: who do I contact if I deteriorate before my appointment?

Every service has a route for that — a crisis line, an urgent mental health number, your GP. Knowing it in advance is worth a great deal at 2am, when working it out from scratch is not realistic. Write it down somewhere you will find it.

And if things do get worse, that is a reason to go back sooner, not to wait politely. A referral is not a ticket that expires if you use other help in the meantime.

Keep a record while you wait

This is the most practically useful thing you can do with the time, and it costs almost nothing.

When your appointment finally arrives, you will be asked how things have been. If the wait was four months, that is four months to summarise from memory — and mood colours memory, so you will describe it in the shade of whatever week you happen to be having.

A few lines every week or so gives you an actual answer. It also means the first session starts from evidence rather than a reconstruction, which is not a trivial saving when sessions are limited. A note on your phone is enough; Nagi's check-ins and diary do it with less thinking, and the report puts the whole stretch on one page.

There is a second benefit that surprises people: waits feel like nothing is happening. A record is the only thing that will tell you afterwards whether that was true.

Lower the bar in the meantime

Not advice about wellness. Just the observation that the waiting period is not the time to also be fixing yourself through effort. Sleep, food, daylight, moving at all, and one person who knows what is going on — that is the whole list, and doing any of it partially counts.

It also helps to have somewhere to put the thoughts down. Not as a substitute for the appointment you are waiting for — as a way of not carrying every 3am thought unaccompanied until then. For some people that is a journal. For some it is a friend. Talking it through with Nagi is one option among those, and it is available at the hours when the others are not.

Do not quietly drop off the list

Two things end waits early in the wrong way. Missing the letter or call — check that they have current contact details, and answer unknown numbers. And deciding, somewhere around month three, that you were probably not that bad after all.

That second one is very common and worth naming. Feeling less certain that you need help is a normal part of a long wait, and it is not reliable evidence about whether you do. If you are unsure, go to the appointment and say exactly that.

The short version

Ask whether anything sooner exists. Get the “what if it gets worse” number now, not later. Keep a light record so the first session does not begin with four months of guesswork. Lower the bar. And stay on the list, particularly on the days you feel like you do not deserve to be on it.

— Richard MacLean

Related: is it safe to talk to an AI about depression? and talking to your GP about mood.

---

Nagi is a mental health companion, not a medical device, and nothing here is medical advice. If you are struggling, please reach out to a professional or someone you trust.